Never mind -- just that sort of day. I woke up at 2:30 and never got back to sleep, so that essentially added 3-1/2 hours to my waking day. So although the clock here says 9:25 a.m., for me it's almost 1:00. And I feel like it, too.

One of those days -- those weeks, really -- when it seems like everything is going wrong at once. People misunderstanding each other mightily over, really, small things. People yelling at each other.

And I was participating in NaNoWriMo, but I think I have to stop. Partly because I don't like the story or the characters. Not that they're unsympathetic characters -- I just couldn't care less what happens to any of them. I never write about characters I don't care about in some way. I may dislike some characters in a story, but if I really like the main ones, I can deal with disliking peripheral ones. But this NaNo -- nope. I don't give a fig for a single one of them.

Work stuff is really stupid too. Just stupid, insignificant stuff, that might be perfectly bearable if everything else in life was fine.

Then the writing course. I was already so depressed last week that I had to skip class, and I didn't hand in the assignment. (I didn't write it, period. I won't be writing it.) I'm debating just going for the notes, but not handing in anything more, and taking an "F" in the course. All that's left, I think, is a feature article, and I've done some research -- but I LOATHE the topic, and didn't have time (or energy) to research it in the first place, and certainly will not be able to switch topics now. So I'd be stuck trying to write yet another thing that I hate, and have no inspiration, mental energy, or time for.

Then the health stuff. I have a clinic appointment next Tuesday for some tests that I really need -- but for certain reasons, it will likely end up cancelled. For a SECOND time. It will be rescheduled for two or three weeks later -- but the same thing that may get it cancelled this time is very likely to come up again next time. And this is a test that's IMPORTANT. But I wonder if I'll ever actually manage to coincide my biology with the clinic's full schedule. If I don't get the tests and there's something wrong, but I can never manage to find out because I CAN'T GET THE TESTS DONE -- it could have Very Serious Consequences. I have the family genetics. I know.

And I've got high blood pressure now, I found out. And with all these things poking and poking and poking at me, all at once, I can literally sit here and feel it pounding.

This sort of thing has happened before -- the entire world somehow CLAMORING at me, and there not being enough of me to go around.

The only recourse, most of these times, is to Cut Things Out. All I can do is pare down to the bare minimum that's required, to go on. Pay the rent. Etc. So I'll likely drop the NaNo. I'll likely take the "F" in the course. I'm not sure what else I can cut out. But for my own sanity, I suspect I have to find other things and get rid of them. In the past, I've had times when I didn't cut things out -- and the resulting inevitable freakout wasn't pretty. And took a long time to repair, after.

And I have to find a way to SLEEP, dammit!!!